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Humor: How to Avoid Life in the Fast Lane

The original ‘hyper-chondriac,’ author and humorist Brian Frazer shows you why it’s good to slow down once in a while.

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

I wish I could calm down and relax. But I’ve always been hyper. I paced in my crib, ran out my walks in Little League, yelled at my mom to stir my chocolate milk faster.

And, as an adult, every hour is rush hour for me. But the other day, I was watching TV and this piece came on the news about some giant tortoise named Harriet.

She had been collected by Charles Darwin in 1835 and was about to have another birthday!

Harriet had lived through the Civil War, Van Gogh shooting himself, the Panama Canal Construction, Prohibition, Jackie Robinson’s major league debut, the moon landing and the final episode of The Sopranos.

I began to realize why she was the oldest living animal in the world: she was moving really really slowly – and not just cause she was old – tortoises always take their time.

Think about it: the slower the animal, the longer the lifespan!

I mean you don’t hear about cheetahs or baboons living even a fraction of that. They’re way too hyper.

Kangaroos are bouncing around like maniacs all day and only make it to around nine.

And most hummingbirds don’t live to see their fifth birthday. The point is: it’s good to slow down. Because if you rush around all day, you might also be rushing to the finish line.


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