The original “hyper-chondriac,” author and humorist Brian Frazer on why your mother was right about chewing your food.
VIDEO TRANSCRIPT
One of the eye-opening moments in my life was after a colonoscopy, when a doctor told me that I wasn’t chewing my food.
“What do you mean? Of course I chew my food! I don’t swallow things whole like a snake! Do you see a mouse stuck in my throat?!!”
Despite my protests he sent me to an eating specialist. Which I thought was insane.
After dining together, the specialist pointed out that I had finished my veggie burger before she’d even put mustard on hers.
I was rushing through my meals, just like I rushed through life.
She instructed me to chew every bite forty times. Forty chews per bite?!?
Let me tell you something: that bites!
Although I found it impossible to keep up with the rigorous chewing regimen, I now try to do what I can to slow down my meals.
I use chopsticks – I sit on my hands in between bites – sometimes I sit on my chopsticks.
Occasionally, just to show off, I’ll chew a piece of dried mango 47 times – although people are never as impressed as I think they should be.
And now whenever I chew gum, I consider it practice.
I just wish I could buy a pack without putting all 18 sticks in my mouth at the same time.